I shall begin with a brief keynote speech.

Item number one: I read a book a long time ago and in the book there was a cow wearing blue shoes, and I think there was an unrelated woman tied to a water wheel...and maybe the Devil...squatting...(why is he always shown squatting...the position does have an unholy taste to it, I suppose...I bet Jesus never squatted)...any leads??

Item number two: If Christmas cannot be counted on to simply stop everything forever, then I do not think I am being unreasonable to request that it at least redraw the terms between myself and the universe.

Item number three: If anyone would like to go to a Kashmiri restaurant with me, please let me know.